Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
