This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina is very pro this idea
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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