Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
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