do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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