You really coming over, don't trick.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He felt like a one man threesome
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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