my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
