Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
