she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
