True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
