whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Houston, we have a blender
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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