I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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