Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
