Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
