i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
