I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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