What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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