maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize