His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
