she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
