is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
