At least make sure they are 18
Why
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
