He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
