Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
