Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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