It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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