These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
