I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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