i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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