I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
