The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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