Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
