The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
