I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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