This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
