"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
