dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
