the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
