Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Barsexuality is the new black.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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