How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
