We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
