tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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