i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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