just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
