ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
