I'm laying in your front yard are you home
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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