I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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