if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
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I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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