DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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