Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
