dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
