I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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