Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
