Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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