She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
