quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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