I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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