One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
