Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
