i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
honey bunches of taint.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
