Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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