Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
