Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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