I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
