If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
