we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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