I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
