11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
