Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
meet me or not, i'm out of control
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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