2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
