He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
