My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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