I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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