I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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