Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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