Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
