My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
