Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
