Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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