i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
