Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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