I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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